memories are the worst.

i want to forget your gone.

not remember how perfect everything was and how it will never be the same.

fuck memories, fuck life, fuck death. fuck it all.

you fucked me over, you all did. and i did nothing but trust you. You all destroyed me. so you know what?……

FUCK YOU, fuck fake bitches, fuck judgement, fuck the  liars, fuck him, fuck pain, fuck hurt, fuck school, fuck caring, fuck gossping bitches, fuck abuse, fuck death, fuck everyone in this shit whole, fuck hope, fuck believing, fuck this shitty music im listening to, fuck the haters,fuck karma, FUCK MY LIFE, fuck living, fuck these scars, fuck it.

FUCK WAITING. i want this bullet in my head now.

i feel like im slipping back into my eating disorder… i dont want to be like that again, but at the same time it feels so comforting, so good….

I’ve known this guy for 6 years and I fell for him, he asked me out and I said no. we stopped talking and only saw each other in school i regretted sayin no sooo much. then I told him I liked him. And the next week him and his gf broke up im not sure weather its because of me. But the same time he asked me out again and Im like mad about him, but I STILL SAID NO.. WTF is wrong with me. I got really awkward and felt like i wasnt good enough. Now i never see him and cant stop thinkin about him                       

I have cut myself every day since i lost my baby no one has noticed . they think im dealing with well. truth is, im thinking about killing myself.

My counselor was scared that i was going to kill myself. my ive convinced her im doing  better. she was trying to send me to a mental hospital. But i was sacred, i was scared to go. to loose my freedom to a place like that. when death offers so much more freedom…. but deep down theres a part of me that just wishes she would notice and send me away… because im to afraid to go on my own will…

I’m contemplating suicide again, but I have to make sure I take enough this time for it to work. Other wise I’ll be locked up..

I feel alone all of the time. I lay in my bathtub and cry out for help. For love. For affection. For something. For a clue or hint that somebody out there loves me. I feel like nobody does. Sometimes the love of your parents isn’t good enough. Cutting is an outlet. Suicide is a constant thought that runs across my mind, but I know that one day it will get better. But when will that day come?

You treat me like complete shit && your so immature and pathetic. I cant deal with you anymore. My biggest regret is letting you in, trusting you’d be there. You spent all day ignoring me but talking to everyone else. so you know what? when you decided your ready to talk to me and take this relationship seriously, im just gunna walk away. you lost your last chance. I wont let you hurt me anymore

 I wonder if you think about me to. I never thought id move on, that the pain would ever go. But its gone, i can breath again. there is moments i still think of you though, but now i smile and give a silent sigh at what only you could understand. I dont feel sad about the loss of our relationship anymore, but i will always have a hole in my heart for the yearning of the innocence of first love that we once shared with eachother. I never thought you’d become a stranger. its weird even now, knowing that, that is exactly what we are. I dont miss you anymore, and im not inlove with you anymore, but you will always have a place in my heart as the innocence and beauty and the twisted pain of first love.

life is moving on, and its scary

but the past is never coming back. Make the future better than the past.